Yeah, sounds like you might have depression. That might sound scary now, like “uuh, depression, i don’t want to have a grave sickness”, but actually IIRC, like 20% of teenagers nowadays have depression. So it’s pretty normal.

Contrary to what the stereotypes might say, depression does not mean that you’re “sad” all the time (at least for most people), it rather means that you’re tired or without emotion most of the time.

I know the feeling of not wanting to spend time with other people because they might seem “boring”. But, as you’ve mentioned in another post (iirc), many of your friends seem to be “weirdos” (a.k.a. neurodivergent), so they might actually be interesting people. Either give them a try, or become yourself the interesting person that you would want to interact with, or wait until you one day meet somebody that you’re willing to spend more time with.

Oh, I remember you, I’ve seen a couple threads from you over the past couple days. So, let’s recap a few of the things I’ve seen you say.

I view people as more tools than anything

They also say I’m a bad sport for calling them useless pieces of crap all the time

I remember one time someone stole the ball from my friend so I called my friend helpless and useless.

When I see someone being useless, I call them out for it. I will always be better than my friends

When something I do is considered “wrong” or “bad”, I genuinely don’t consider it morally wrong at all. I only know it’s wrong because someone told me it is, and if their telling me that doesn’t benefit me in some way, I tend to blame them and see them as acting irrationally.

I call my friends useless and horrible, and I really have no guilt/remorse or sympathy about that. I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.

I want to maintain a good public image, so i say people should be kind and that bullying is wrong, because it’s been done to me amend doesn’t feel good. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about how other people feel if it doesn’t impact me.

I believe I can feel remorse sometimes, such as if they do something that isn’t benefitting me

That last one really cracks me up. You only feel remorse when someone else does something that doesn’t benefit you. That’s not how remorse works. Remorse is felt when you yourself have done something wrong and are ashamed of it. But based on the things you’ve said, you don’t ever really feel bad about your own actions, maybe at the most giving it a “yeah, I know people say this is wrong”, but it doesn’t look like you ever actually feel it. A lot of what you say reads as the most narcissistic shit I’ve ever seen in my life.

So to answer your question for this thread. Yes. You are a bad friend. Get therapy. Seriously.

Or don’t, and I’m sure you’ll have no friends at all soon enough. But I’m sure you’ll be able to rationalize that as being their fault anyway, so don’t worry, you won’t even have to feel any sort of remorse!

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it

I have someone I used to be friends with. I’d text her while watching wrestling, and she’d reply.

Then her replies got shorter and shorter. I’d write a paragraph, and she’d write “Yeah lol”. Eventually she just stopped replying. Eventually I just stopped texting.

This past Christmas I got a text from her that was clearly mass texted. It was just a “Merry Christmas” thing.

I looked at it, and realized we hadn’t talked at all in almost 2 years. Why is she texting me this? Do I reply? Is she trying to reopen communication? Then I realized she probably clicked “select all” in her contacts list, and I just happened to still be in there. I didn’t reply.

When you don’t commicate, you send the message that you don’t want to communicate. I have a rule about friends. If I’m ALWAYS the one starting the conversation, then you clearly don’t care about me. And I stop caring about you over time.

It’s not that your friends are drifting apart from you. It’s that you’re pushing them away from you. If I asked a friend if they wanted to come out on whatever event to hang out, and they just bluntly and coldly said “No.”, I would take that as an insult. Like, oh, ok. You don’t enjoy my company. Fine then. I’ll go without you.

And at some point, you push everybody away. Then you wake up one day at 30 years old, and realize you need new friends. Except 30 year olds aren’t out there trying to make friends. And it gets harder and harder progressively as the years go by to make new friends.

So yeah. I totally see you as being at fault here.

Instead of saying “No.” just say “No, I need some recharge time.” At least then it’s about you taking care of your own mental health, and not just “Do I want to hang out with YOU? No!”

See, that moves it away from them being the problem, and lets them understand you just need some alone time. Always remember, every relationship always has at least two sides. You are not the main character in a story.

It seems like you don’t put any effort in the friendship, and expect that your friends “will be there for you”. That’s selfish.

Maybe

It seems obvious you know your behavior sucks. You can either make an effort, which most people actually do, or you can pretend you don’t understand and use it as an excuse.

Eventually they won’t be there for you. Why would they when you can’t even be polite or watch their stupid little half a minute videos.

Relationships take effort. It’s easy to notice when the effort is only one sided and it’s very hard to come back from it once it’s clear. Minimum effort or less doesn’t make for good friendships.

I would expect that if you continue this, your friends will disengage as well. and no, they will not be there for you if you need it.

If you’re not interested in talking to them or spending time with them, why do you call them friends?

I know they will be there for me when I need it

Here’s the thing, relationships take work. Not just marriages or romantic ones, they all take work. Effort needs to be made by both parties, or else the relationship will die. I had a friend that affectionately called it “friend work,” where they would spend a bit of time each day putting in the effort needed to maintain a healthy friendship, because if she didn’t, then the relationship would suffer for it.

Not wanting to engage in the world right now is very common, and downright reasonable considering the general state of things. If a relationship you have with someone is mentally stressing you, or sapping your energy, consider whether or not that relationship is valuable to you, and act accordingly. If the relationship is important to you, and you want it to continue or grow, then you have to put effort into it. If the relationship is one-sided, and feels draining, and you want it to end, then put forth zero effort into it, and it will naturally go away.

You are the best friend. You tell it like it is. When a funeral comes around, you smirk in the knowledge that we’ll all be dead soon. People need spicy truths like that distilled into one word responses, it screams of eloquence and high-brow thinking.

Why waste time on the uggs, when you can use that time more efficiently to work on your charming personality.

I personally think you are a visionary in this respect, and am certain that I would have to avert my gaze from the sheer blinding sheen of being in the presence of a superior being if I were to ever share the same planet as you.

Yes, I feel pretty confident in saying that in this case you are the problem. I have sympathy for antisocial behaviour as I’m that way myself too but you seem just straight up rude if not even mean.

because I know they will be there for me when I need it

I wouldn’t count on it.

When you say friends, what do you think friends are? It sounds like you’re not engaging or taking an interest at all. They sound like acquaintances, people you know. Not friends.

I responded to the last time you posted this, that yes you are. I would just stop responding to you. If you don’t want to engage then why respond at all? You can type out this long post but only one worded replies?

It is probably the case that if your friends do veiw you as a friend and aren’t made aware that this isn’t because of something they did but a way you are then this behaviour is likely hurting them to some degree or another. Your discription of how you interfsce with friends is fairly consistent with cluster B personality disorders but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically bad. It does mean that if you want to become a safe person to associate socially with you are going to need to put in more work than average to learn what other people generally need out of relationships and to recognize pain that is going to be difficult to empathize with… And if you decide to become a safe person it will mean being more open with your friends about parts of the human experience that are assumed but in your case not shared.

Most people have needs out of friendships that if they are not met and they cannot identify why they are not met they can sort of look inwards and self emotionally mutilate, picking themselves apart to find what it wrong with themselves to warrant cold behaviour. People’s first instinct is to ask “what about me makes me undeserving.” and are very good at populating a list.

Guilt and shame for most of us is the fastest emotional response. It is way faster than reason. People who think they may have wronged you or are being rejected by you will feel guilty first and then have to pick the emotion apart to figure out if they should actually feel guilt or shame… and then even if they realize they did nothing wrong might still feel guilt or rejection. A lot of being a safe person regardless of whether one has disordered emotional issues or not involves making sure they have the tools to not feel guilt, shame or rejection for very long. The faster they can rationalize and compartmentalize what is happening isn’t about them it is about you the more likely it is to not stick and develop into a longer term emotional injury or weakness. Once someone has been put in a position to effectively bully themselves that creates possible long term damage. A lot of the time, particularly for young people first experiencing this who have not learned how to be safe around people with cluster B disorders the outcome resolves as long term anger towards the person who made them question themselves.

If your friends are growing apart it may be because they already think you do not care about them and have already gone through this self bullying process but have now started to trade notes to see if they are the problem or not. If they reach a mutual concensus about you being emotionally unrecipricative then they might withdraw to avoid being hurt further. A sense of being valued in some form is a nessisary portion of friendship for most people. They will project that assumption of being valued and emotionally cared for onto you by default if you act like a friend because that is something they do when they act that way and even if they logically know it isn’t reciprocated they might not give up on you if you show effort to keep them in your life. Someone who acts like a friend but never did show signs of caring is more often than not going to be falsely attributed as once caring but withdrawing that care for a reason, which is in some relationship circumstances is inflicted as a punishment. So even if it’s not your intention people might interpret your behaviour not as rude but as a deliberate act of cruelty.

If you want them to stick around then letting them know that you like the experience of them as people in some way is key. Like if you find them more entertaining than most or recognize their good qualities then letting them know is what is going to keep them around.

What nobody tells you is that people before the age of 25 tend to make closer relationships where they emotionally risk more and become closer faster. Generally speaking it is more difficult to make as dedicated friends as an older adult as people are less likely to latch and a lot of people when they fail to make these types of high risk close friendships later in life interpret themselves as deficient as a person. You are in the prime age of emotionally high risk but high reward friendships. That does mean that the way these friendships resolve might become formative to the people around you as you might be one of the first non-safe relationships they have as they have not built adequate defenses. Wounds suffered in youth have an outsized effect and if things go particularly south without adequate explanation they may particularly remember you long term as a source of personal anguish.

Remember this, vulnerability is a bonding behaviour, your vulnerability just works a lot different than other people’s. People might reject you if they can’t figure out how to interface with your type of vulnerability but some will genuinely recognize it as you risking something because you ultimately value them not being hurt over their usefulness and function in your life. There are a lot of people out there with empathy above and beyond the median… But I would recommend therapy for lessons on how to navigate relationships in a non-standard way.

Sounds like depression to me. Tired and bored all the time are quite classic signs of it. Maybe try and seek some help while you are still young? Before letting it manifest into something bigger