Ada

In a business context, ma’am is fine. I don’t think a lot of women (especially younger women) love the term, but it’s not insulting or anything. It’s just a reminder of age

Ah, por supuesto! Pero, lenguaje de genero neutro es un poco dificil.

Basically, ma’am and miss are used for women in general, but miss is never used to mean “older woman” and ma’am is never used to mean “young woman”

I don’t like ma’am, but mostly because somewhere along the line it stopped being miss (unless I’m trying to buy something, and then it’s often still miss). Ma’am is a reminder that I’m old :P

They’re gender neutral in the same way “man” can be used instead of “human”. Which is to say it’s not gender neutral at all, it’s a sexism so deeply entrenched that it’s completely normalised and often invisible. It’s called “male as the default”.

So, even if you don’t see the issue, it is there, and many people are not ok with that, so you really should make sure that your gender diverse friends are genuinely comfortable with the terms, because it’s often hard for trans folk to push back against their friends using terms like that, for fear of being seen as difficult/precious etc.

Yeah, it does

drag has stated that drag accepts they/them as well.

You got your comments removed for misgendering. Your mod log history is right there

I’m referring to a trans person using the attack helicopter slur as an act of empowerment and reclamation, and getting turned on by the community for it.

The point being that she looked like a troll to many people, and was attacked for it, but she was not a troll, and the over the top response did more damage than any troll could have done.

If people cannot understand your experience, it’s not because you are trans and they are cis

Well, it’s not just that. As you say, even trans folk can’t understand other trans folks experience. But that still speaks to my point. Acceptance shouldn’t be gatekept behind understanding

FYI, that post was incorrect (and the user has been banned for comments made elsewhere). You can see some clarifications in my reply to the comment.

It’s a nice story, but it’s not what happened.

Drag was active long before I made the pronoun post, and that post is the second post I’ve made on the topic in the last couple of years.

Drags pronouns are to be respected. Everyone’s pronouns are to be respected. It’s pretty simple.

The need for some people to need to put an “except…” at the end of that last sentence is something I will never understand.

That hasn’t changed, and the position long predates your account being created.

How did I protect drag specifically? Drag was banned from several blahaj communities and I was quite explicit in support of community mods right to make that decision.

The protection I did offer is the same protection I offer all our users, which is freedom from deliberate misgendering.

Though I can see why you might take issue with that, given that you just misgendered drag, despite our ongoing conversation.

embedding themselves in your community as an “attack helicopter”-

You’d benefit from doing some research on Isabel Fall.

without understanding that people can and will take advantage of this

Normalising the idea that only well behaved trans folk deserve to have their identity respected hurts the trans community far more than the actions of a theoretical troll slipping through the cracks occasionally.

can say that I identify as a 1972 Trans Am and demand that people cal me PontiacFucker and you will have to defend me against those that would accuse me of being disingenuous…. Right?

Yep. I’d also ban you for trolling at the same time however, because your actions would make it clear that your goal here is to stir up drama in response to a moderation approach you don’t agree with.

Let’s say a troll comes along and uses neopronouns to undermine trans rights.

If your response to that is “You’re a troll, I don’t give a fuck about your pronouns”, then you’ve given the troll exactly the thing they’re trying to achieve, whilst also telling any trans people reading your posts that you only think their identity applies as long as they’re well behaved. Which is to say, you don’t hurt the troll, but actively encourage them, whilst also hurting the acceptance of gender diverse folk.

The only correct response to a troll in that scenario is to respect their professed identity, whilst banning them for trolling. Respecting someone’s identity isn’t a green light for ignoring anything else they do. But it sure is easy to conflate if you want to stir up a bit of drama at the trans communities expense.

The policy came from me. It’s an instance level policy that you were never banned for.

I did remove some of your comments, and I will do that again if I become aware of misgendering, even if it’s accidental. But it didn’t get you banned then, and unless you start deliberately misgendering folk, it won’t get you banned now either.

I’m an instance admin. I don’t issue community bans. I issue instance bans. If someone community banned you, it wasn’t me.

I’m trans. Cis people literally can never truly understand my experience or why the things that are important to me are important. Acceptance can’t be contingent on understanding they can never have.

Neopronouns are the same. You can work on your own understanding to reduce your discomfort but your discomfort should be your problem, not something you get to force on to others

Your comments were removed. You aren’t instance banned

Drag does not use he/him.