I’m only alive because successfully killing myself is hard. Bernadette, she/her, smash bros addict, dog person, work addict, ruined beyond repair, stuck in the past. I will defend Amazon and Nintendo like they’re the parents I never had. They did, and will do, nothing wrong, ever.

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Joined 4 months ago
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Cake day: November 11th, 2024

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  • I’ve noticed lemmy hates home automation and online shopping, and would rather drive to a store to buy groceries and bring them home to show off how Not Lazy they are. I expected it.

    I really cannot enter these stores for more than 10 minutes without feeling like I’m going to vomit or have a panic attack. I only order online pickup or only shop for one item if I ever go in those places, and I can never go to a costco or bj’s ever again without dredging up memories of being trapped in those places and also abused as a kid in a stupid institution masquerading as a school.

    Working at a warehouse for 12 hours is no problem since I get a break every 2.5 hours where I can go outside, I get paid overtime, and I’m also not forced to wear a mountain climber jacket in a heated building the whole time while hungry and dehydrated. Oh right and I get to sit every 2.5 hours instead of standing and walking the whole time and I can leave early if I’m feeling sick, have other things I need to deal with, or because I feel like it.






  • The only things a family’s mother cared about was grocery shopping and watching people die on TV. Anything that got in the way of that was a problem.

    One of her daughters can drive, and every Saturday and Sunday, she’d drive the whole family to Stop & Shop, Walmart, Target, Costco, another Costco, another Target, an international market, another international market, a Chinese market, an Indian market, Aldi, Lidl, BJ’s Wholesale, and Sam’s Club. These grueling journeys would last 15 hours.

    Bringing in the groceries and trying to fill an already overfilled refrigerator with duct tape from last week’s journey took several hours. On Sundays we had to take out trash, which included old meat and produce that family’s mother over-overbought for herself and let rot while blaming the same people she vilified for eating some of. Taking out trash was always a five hour slog, but on Sunday it was a longer slog.

    By the time the trash is out and that family’s mother’s groceries are in the fridge and freezer, everyone would need to rush to get ready to go to school or work. I always had to skip a shower on Mondays as me washing myself was seen as a waste of resources and time by everyone in that family as I don’t count as a real human being.

    And yes, Monday NIGHT. Not afternoon, night. There were dogs that family’s mother brought home and neglected and skimped out on everything for so she could buy more groceries and watch more rich people pretend to die. We would need to walk them, not in the afternoon, but at night, and we were not allowed to sleep before walking them. She found it funny and would come up with some other excuse for why we needed to wait to sleep.

    Same thing happened on Wednesdays but without the grocery shopping. Can’t sleep before walking the dogs or taking out the trash, the latter being started at 1AM and taken out at 6AM.

    Childhood is prison. Literally it’s being raised to be clean and healthy, then being bullied and humiliated for doing the right things, then being punished and reprimanded for not doing the thing you were literally bullied and humiliated for doing. Fuck childhood.

    I should add that my life was sitting on a short bus for 2 hours, then sitting in the same desk for 7 hours straight, then sitting on the short bus for 2.5 hours to go isolate myself from my original bullies and their mother.