my town has one of those ad magazines that comes out every month with a small calendar of civic events. there’s a 35% off coupon to the weed store in there every month. I’ll take the entire book of ads for that discount.

… 2000 to 2060: dragon puberty

There’s a 95 year old woman down the road who seems like she’s younger than I feel. I wish I still had the spring in my step she has

Texas has the woofus and it’s pretty cool.

State Cryptid or State Kaiju?

Or we write […] to indicate we’ve removed words from a direct quotation

TYPE HOWEVER YOU WANT BROTHER AROOOO

Well where else am I supposed to get my practice in for the Junior Grammar Rodeo

Yeah I don’t want to have to actively hold it in for like real hours until I get high

Probably taste worse

I played cyberpunk 2077 at launch and this universe definitely wasn’t bug tested

It will make the prettiest colors (we can’t even see)

I dunno, coast guard?

If they gave me ten million USD (or assets of equivalent value) no strings attached I would stop feeling murderous when I think about that particular exec or company.

The best security for a healthcare exec is making sure claims get approved at your company. All of them.

Excuse me but salty is just another part of the cheese pyramid

When I was in college one of my neighbors would light a candle on the porch and then sprinkle creamer on it. Made quite the fireball.

I want to try one of those yellow biting onions

A friend of mine who worked at a sandwich shop introduced me to spike. I normally want my tomatoes cooked, but seasoned with spike is pretty good too

I like the flavor of vinegar. That’s why I put on mayo, mustard…