If Bob feels wronged somehow take him out for a drink or dinner or so

I don’t think Bob is ever gonna return my calls, heh.

It does sound like maybe buying Bob a beer

lol, I don’t think Bob is ever gonna talk to me again.

Was Bob upset because he didn’t know that was your intent

I don’t think so. I’m pretty up front about my goals. I messaged Bob and said that I am looking for a job and I want to ask Alice questions. Literally. “Could you introduce me or send my contact info over? I’d like to get an inside perspective about the work environment and ask more about the job.”

I then asked questions like “can you introduce me to the hiring manager or send my contact info their way? Additionally, what’s the work culture like? Are bosses on your case all the time or are they asking how they can help? Do people like working there or does everyone complain? What’s the work hours like?”

I would have probably thanked Bob and dropped him from the email before asking Alice questions.

I usually do this. I even said that directly. “I don’t wanna clog up Bob’s inbox, so can we talk directly?” Alice didn’t accept direct communication, though, and replied via CC, so I went with it. Oh well.

I give this a 50/50 being sea lioning. The reason being I thought this way when I was younger. I’m white and didn’t understand why everything was so focused on race until I was an adult. I don’t care about race that much, but everyone around me did and I thought it was weird. Once I was older and educated, I understood that it’s FAR more complex than my kiddo brain could handle without some education.

I wonder where this movement started where people overly obsess about this. Can’t we already just treat people for who they are/their personality and not judge them by their skin color and also not prefer some ethnicities over others?

I’m gonna guess you’re white. There are many reasons why people make race their identity. One of them is because OTHER people make it their identity. If you’re just a normal person walking down the street, but other people only reduce you to “black person” or “asian person” or “gay person” or whatever then there’s something in our nature that takes that on and reframes it into a positive, a strength. Most of the “something person” people I know didn’t start caring about that, but other people reinforced it SOOOOOO much. Additionally, when your category is legislated at the government level, then you can’t help but assume it’s a main part of your identity. To the government and society, you ARE that person. When you need permission from the government just to exist, it is defining.